In my Animal Communication Workshops I offer a segment on Requesting Behavior Changes. Of course the workshop provides a lot more in-depth information, but I wanted to share an idea from the workshop that you can apply with your own animal friends.

Animals do not have the same culture as we do. You acting unhappy or telling your animal that the situation is “making” you unhappy, will not motivate change. They will perceive your mood as related to who you are being at that moment, not as a commentary on them. In other words they will look at you and think, “Unhappy person”, not, “Oh look how my behavior is upsetting them”. They will not hold themselves accountable for your unhappiness because animals don’t believe that they control human moods.

This might be confusing because you have experienced animals offering you comfort when you are sad. They are offering a behavior that makes sense to them- being loving- but they are still not believing that they “control” your mood.

So, if you are wanting to change a situation the first step is getting emotionally in sync with what you want. If you want peace when two cats are fighting; then FEEL peaceful. If you want your dog to be less scared; then FEEL confident and calm. After you achieve the emotional state you can move on to communicating what you want with your animal. (Getting the emotional part without the communication can result in behavior changes.)

Hopefully I will see some of you at one of my workshops soon! Until then, be peaceful and enjoy your animal friends.

Ichabod is a 6-year-old Mammoth donkey from Connecticut. He came directly from his breeder, and other than going to competitions this is his first new home. After the first few days, he started settling in and I decided to give him a tour. I walked him on lead around the 7-9 acre pasture. He looked around and seemed quite happy with the place.

Later that day the herd (pony and two donkeys), crossed the stream to graze on the far pasture. That night I went to feed them and Ichabod was missing. I asked him where he was and got the reply “lost”. Did you break through the fence? “No”. Good, I thought, he is still in the pasture. I went out into the pitch dark field looking for a black donkey. It felt a bit hopeless. I called out his name but got no response. It was really dark, but I heard a little rustle. Ichabod came up next to me. He was so scared. He gladly followed me back over the stream and once he oriented he took off sprinting for the barn.

I gave my pony, Mallory, a stern talk. “How could you leave him alone in the pasture? From now on all friends must stay together.” She told me she understood.

The next day I called them in before dark, and the two came running across the stream without Ichabod. Then Mallory turned around, went to the bridge and gave the big guy and encouraging whinny. She waited for him to cross before continuing on to the barn. I could hardly believe my eyes! She is such a special pony.

My daughter started kindergarten this year and we have come up with a very fun way of getting to the bus stop. The spot where we meet the bus is a 1/4 mile away but we don’t have to go on any roads. We can walk through our horse pasture, duck under the fence, and emerge at the bus stop. Of course traveling with animals is more fun, so we bring the donkey and pony with us. Mallory (the pony) enjoys the walk very much- I bring her on a lead rope and Burrito follows along behind us. One day we decided not to bring the animals because they were still eating their hay. They were both very upset. They stood at the gate watching us walk away without them. Mallory whinnied for us four times. I promised we would not leave without them again.

Below are a series of photos documenting our journey to the bus stop on October 4th. It was a foggy morning with lots of dew, but by the time we got to the bus stop, the blue sky was visible. There were lots of spider webs covered in dew.

First we greet the pony (and donkey).

Then we make our way across the field (usually I am in the middle leading the pony, but someone had to take the photo!)

We stop to enjoy nature.

Across the stream on our homemade bridge.

Finally we are almost there! Just duck under the fence and past the church to the parking lot.

Looking back we can see our house tucked in behind the trees. Hannah and I will head back after Sierra gets on the bus. The donkey and pony will stay behind and spend some time grazing.

My best friend growing up was my cat. His name was Vidal and he was my older “brother”. He put me to bed every night, then after I fell asleep, my mom said he would head out hunting.

Me and Vidal about one year before he passed away (when I was 12).

I am thrilled that my children have the opportunity to have special animal relationships in their lives. I think animals offer the perfect balance of love and understanding. They also clearly teach the children that they need to treat them well and offer them understanding too. My girls have great relationships with all of our animals, but each of them have a special friend.

Hannah and Owen  have been bonded since he arrived as a kitten this spring. His timing is impeccable- he always shows up for her when she is sad or when no one else will play with her. He is incredibly patient while she builds impractical forts for him (he usually obliges her and climbs in!)

Sierra and Burrito have a special friendship. When he first arrived at our home (also this spring) he didn’t know anyone, but he quickly choose Sierra as his favorite. He stands quietly to receive her hugs and they are the perfect height for hugging one another. He is happy to follow her around and lets her touch his soft nose (a privilege only Sierra has).

This sense of “best friend” is why I have animals in my home. It is just so magical whether I am a child or a grown-up to feel that special bond with an animal. Of course one of the big lessons in having a childhood love is learning to endure the loss of that friend and discovering that it is possible to bond again. Sierra had to learn that one early when she lost Bramley. I am grateful that she stayed open and found love again in donkey form.